I can't believe I'm even doing this. I guess after all this time I still need closer. We most certainly never got it. They kept it from us. I think it was because it wasn't up to us when it ended is why it's haunted me so. It's also what my mother told me that she found out about you after everything went down: that you never loved me, that you denied me when they told you if you were to contact me you'd be in trouble. I counted down the days to that final birthday I could see you again. I counted them out and marked off each and every single day for 3 years. You promised you'd find me. You promised....I may have moved on for those years we couldn't be together but it was only because I craved you so badly I would've gone insane if not to distract myself from the loss of you. The whole while I kept your shirt hidden away in a bag, for the first year it still smelled like you. When that final birthday came and went and you didn't show I burned all your letters, I couldn't bear to read the false promises of your love and that we would be together on that birthday. I don't know why I'm writing this you'll never find it. I've looked for you too many times to even count and you haven't found me yet. It's insane to think you'd find me now, this way. It's crazy, we didn't even have that much time together, but you were the first man I ever saw forever with. I don't even want to be with you now, I simply need to talk, to have the closer we never got. Tell me your name to let me know it's you.. I am wants nsa.
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